A Personal Testimony of Bankruptcy

Another testimony for someone out there...

I went bankrupt. It was in 1995.

Part of the story is simple. I had a business and I did a big job -- big enough to break me -- and the company I did the work for did not pay me. They declared bankruptcy.

First step, I sold everything I had and paid the guys working with me. Next step, I drank and drank and drank, running up bar tabs and credit cards. (In case you didn't understand what I just said, I made things incredibly worse.) Third step, beg and borrow more money and pursue several gambling schemes that caused a lot of trouble and only let me break even on the money I had borrowed for the gambling schemes.

Step four, take out some illegal loans on the promise of high interest, violence, or criminal labor. Step five, more drinking and partying, more gambling, more bad loans, and more debt.

Step seven, quadruple down on every, single, bad decision.

The other part of the story, as you might be able to tell, was that I had tons of destructive habits, I was very unwise, and I had no idea what good stewardship was. Further, I was disconnected from the power, love, and wisdom of God.

I hated every ring of a phone. I hated every beep of my pager. I hated every piece of mail. I hated running into people I owed.

I drank and sank. I despaired. I went to work every day, and ran the streets nearly every night.

I would say my nerves were worn to a frazzle, but I had mostly passed through every emotion except anger and shame.

I was a hard worker, but a foolish young man. Foolish.

Finally, I drove to Greensboro to see an attorney who practiced in North Carolina and Virginia. I told him everything. He suggested a certain type of bankruptcy. I had a regular income, and he suggested I pay it all back.

I cannot even tell you how I embarrassed and ashamed I was when I appeared in federal court to openly admit how terribly I'd managed my affairs. I literally felt sick. Though I was not a disciple of Jesus at that time, I regularly read the Bible. I kept thinking about something I had read in Psalm 37. Verse 21 says, "The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again..." (Psalm 37:21a KJV)

A plan was created, and thus came the long trudge out of debt. The debt was only part of the problem. My credit was totally shot for over 7 years after the discharge of all debts (and really more like 10). Though I worked, I spent as much time paying for the past as I did struggling to stay above water in the present, which is to say 24/7/365.

I lived in shame and guilt.

Then I met Jesus. You see, Jesus removed the guilt. I found spiritual and emotional freedom in Him. He gave me strength and joy. He gave me wisdom and perspective. He showed me truth, precepts, and principles of godly stewardship in His word.

What Jesus did not do was magically remove the monetary debt. He did give me joy in the discharge. He did walk with me. He did lead me (over the years) to tons of resources to help not only myself but others manage and handle both debt and wealth. (I haven't seen the wealth side, but I have had the privilege to counsel / disciple those with wealth.)

I still have a lot to learn, but of this I am sure: "The earth is the LORD's and the fullness thereof, the world and those who dwell therein," (Psalm 24:1 ESV) I long to be a faithful, wise steward who understands to Whom all things belong and to Whom I shall answer for all things.

Now, I have taught Financial Peace University several times, and I have counseled dozens of people in wise financial stewardship. Ain't God good?

I share this because someone out there IS struggling. You are are ashamed. You hate the mail. You hate the phone.

You can recover. It very well may be very difficult, and long term. God can deal with your emotions. He can also connect you with helpful people.

For anything to change, everything will most likely have to change. Lifestyle. Spending. Saving. Yes, everything.

You can make it out of this. You really can.

May God give you courage to face it, grace to recover, strength to endure, and wisdom in the outworking.